Knit the City

The sinister stitched symphony of the Nutcracker Knitmare Before Christmas

Deadly Knitshade — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 01:27:06 +0000

Twas the Knit before Christmas in cold London Town,
Where a lone ballerina was cast with a frown,
Yet the girl was not long for her knitless despair,
For KTC’s Yarn Corps soon would be there…

A bare ballerina

From out of the shadows the five stitchers came,
While visions of yarnstormings danced in their brains,
In their hands they clutched creatures of crochet and yarn,
Who hatched plans of capture and fibre-based harm.

Around the cold dancer arose such a clatter,
As small creatures stormed her and threw yarnropes at her,
The Nutcracker Prince scaled her head in a flash,
Mouse King tickled her nose like a rodent moustache.

The Nutcracker Prince: Not Freddy Mercury

The buffoon, Russell B, chose to lurk somewhere warm,
And well-trained peg soldiers conducted a storm,
Far-too-happy flowers became creepers and flingers,
And a sour-faced snowflake was caught ‘tween her fingers.

The buffoon needed hair combing

Flowers and fat little dancers

The Sugarplum Fairy, so lively and quick,
Hopped past peg-doll Clara, a mere blonde-haired stick,
To climb to the shoulder and stare a red stare,
While an angry mouse soldier waved forks by her hair.

Clara: a bit blonde

Surrounded

Manly mouse soldier

“Now Purple! Now, Daisy! Now, Scarlet and Yellow!
Fly Lilac! Go Blue!” was the Flowers war-cry bellow
To the knobs of her knees! To the top of her bonce!
While the ruffle-dressed Spaniards climbed ropes as they danced.

Diabolical Daisy

Yellow peril

Bullying blue

I keeeeel you!

Columbine rose with her Harlequin beau,
Intent on such evil it’s best not to know,
Upside down and be-clawed Drosselmeyer hung to hoot,
On her knee a mouse soldier sharp-speared but quite cute.

Criminal Columbine

Hooting with hate

Knee deep in knitting

And then, in a twinkling, the yarnstorm was done,
Frozen fingers returned to the gloves whence they’d come,
A scattering of yarn ends, a few twists of thread,
The dull ballerina was draped in stitched dread.

Lonely no more

Knitted by nightfall

They spoke not a word, as they turned from their art,
Only grinned at their yarnstorm and chose to depart
But I heard them exclaim, ‘ere they snuck out of sight,
“Scary Stitchmas to all, and to all a good-night!”

“Now where is there a pub that sells mulled wine?”

For more melodious myths on the Knitmare that was The Nutcracker see:

Alt Artist‘s mini documentary A Cheeky Xmas Greeting from Alt Artist and KTC

Deadly Knitshade’s Single White Mouse King WLTM Ballerina

The Purple Purler’s Nutcracker prince is a meany

The Fastener’s Knit the City Nutcracker and her Nutcracker Flowers video:

A Little Knitmare Before Christmas Movie

Deadly Knitshade — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 22:37:29 +0000

Bringing you a bit of festive fibre on film our Fairy Godmothers of Documentrydom, the Alt Artist girls, have put together a little movie of our Knitmare Before Christmas.

Scary Stitchmas to all and a Yarnstormed New Year

The Knit the City Yarn Corps xxx

Yarnstorm the Eighth: Nutcracker Knitmare before Christmas

Deadly Knitshade — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 15:58:16 +0000

Twas the Knit before Christmas in cold London Town,

Where a lone ballerina was cast with a frown,

Yet she was not long for her knitless despair,

For Knit the City’s Yarn Corps soon would be there…

See the full tale soon.

Scary Stitchmas, London

KTC xxx

Yarnstorm the Seventh: Gate of Ghouls

Deadly Knitshade — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 04:28:47 +0000

Come closer, mortals, we wish to tell you a tale of tube-flavoured terror…

Knit the City have a special love for underground London. In our formative days each of us were beckoned into shady underground doorways by our mysterious hooded mentor. There we were relentlessly trained in ways of the yarnstorm while we spent our days and nights in Knit the City’s secret underground wool-lined bunker.

This makes us all the more aware that sometimes, when the barrier between good and evil weakens on certain nights of the year, the evil and horror that lurks under London likes to creep out into the city and do unspeakable things to unsuspecting passers by.

We are stitch-struck wool-weaponed watchers of the London below your feet. We felt it was our duty to warn you. A stitched sign that something sinister sits in the city’s shadows.

Screwing up our courage, thowing in a handful of ghoulish ghost lights, and keeping our sharpened DPNs at the ready we yarnstormed one of London’s most haunted entrances to the underground – the rust-ravaged gateway to the empty echoes of abandoned Aldwych Station on The Strand.

Since the 1800s Aldwych has been a gallery, a chapel and a theatre. It is home to the soft sinister shimmer of many ghosts.

On this Halloween Night it was the setting for Knit the City’s Gate of Ghouls…

WOOooOOOOoOO! Our Gate of Ghouls!

EEP! The crochet bone's connected to the...crochet bone...

GAH! Discworld-flavoured DEATH will unravel your souuuuuuuul!

WAH! The Northern Line Nasty sees you in the dark!

YIKES! The Black Rabbit, Cthulhu and the Slake Moth come for us all in the end...

AGH! Don't let the stitched skelebones tempt you in!

GAME OVER! A maze-guarding ghostie!

BLOURP! Bits of bodies without bodies!

SQUEAK! Death of Rats will have your hamster!

EEK! The Jubileevil Mousetroll will make cheese of your chin!

PLACK! Demons and antlers and teeth oh my!

ICK! Dripping troll blood will ruin anything dry-clean only!

PLUG! A message from the woolly underworld!

BLARGH! A ghost actress to break your legs!

RARGH! Abandon hope to the handmade horror all ye who enter the Gate of Ghouls.

SHRIEK! Such sinister stitchery!

MWA HA HAAAA! Knit the City's satanic stitching on the sunset Strand

Pay heed to the woolly warning of the Gate of Ghouls, good people of London. You never know what is looking up when you’re not looking down…

For Halloween tales of yarnstorming horror straight from the Yarn Corps fingertips see:

Deadly Knitshade’s Attack of the Tubeline Trolls

The Fastener’s Crocheted Creeps

The Purple Purler’s DEATH’s Halloween Haunting

The Bluestocking Stitcher’s Knit The City Halloween – what you don’t see behind the scenes

Yarn Corps Uncovered: The Magknitficent Seven – The Fastener

Deadly Knitshade — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 08:26:13 +0000

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into London something unexpected happens in the world of Knit the City. Like the writhing many-headed mass of a handmade hydra that we are, we have grown another yarnstorming limb. The sneaky stitching six become a magknitficent seven.

Ladies and gents we are proud to introduce Knit the City’s newest recruit, The Fastener.

Found wandering the streets of London as a lone ‘yarnbomber’ Knit the City tempted her to the wool-lined bunker with promises of shiny buttons and cake. She was then dragged through rigourous ‘yarnbomb’ detox and came, at last, to know the gentler ways of the Yarnstorm.

To see The Fastener’s story wander over to our Who? page.

For now, before the imminent yarnstorm, hits let’s find out a bit about The Fastener.

All buttons and bows and misbehaviour

The Fastener

What is your theme tune?
The A team

Which superhero’s powers would you most like and why?
To be able to borrow others powers at will – why? Because that’s the best one!

What is your biggest fear?

Camel toe

Your three stranded on a desert island yarnstorming essentials?
Other than yarn (obviously!) Sunglasses (to disguise me – I know it’s deserted but you never know?!), music to knit by, lemon meringue pie – there’re no ovens on a deserted island, people!

If you died during a yarnstorm what epitaph would you have on your gravestone?

She finally zipped it.

Now we can get on with the real reason we’re all here.

There’s a yarnstorm coming in just over 24 hours and there is absolutely nothing in the whole of London that can stop it…

Yarn Corps Uncovered Part Three: Lady Loop and Knitting Ninja

Deadly Knitshade — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 08:00:37 +0000

We don’t know about you but we’re pretty sure that the yarnstorm is going to hit any day now. And it’s a dark dark yarnstorm at that. You can tell by the way the sun disappears earlier these past few nights. Almost like it’s running away…

While we wait we’ll entice a couple more of the Knit the City Yarn Corps from the secret wool-lined bunker to cough up the answers to a few well-placed questions.

Gliding from the darkness we find ourselves in the company of the bringer of aristocratic artiness and high-class handmade loveliness that is Lady Loop and the opener of a 400-year-old can of ancient Japanse yarnstorming whupass that is Knitting Ninja.

Lady Loop

What is your theme tune?
Barber’s Adagio for Strings

Which superhero’s powers would you most like and why?
The ability to fly, of course. Which I’d do with the power of my knitted cape.

What is your biggest fear?
That one day, the wine might run out.

Your three stranded on a desert island yarnstorming essentials?
Yarn, a crochet needle and a nice bottle of merlot.

If you died during a yarnstorm what epitaph would you have on your gravestone?
She came, she knitted, she conquered.

Knitting Ninja

The Knitting Ninja is currently taking a vow of silence to further hone her knitting skills without the distraction of speech.

What is your theme tune?
……..

Which superhero’s powers would you most like and why?
……..

What is your biggest fear?
……..

Your three stranded on a desert island yarnstorming essentials?
……..

If you died during a yarnstorm what epitaph would you have on your gravestone?
……..

Yarn Corps Uncovered Part Two: Deadly Knitshade and The Purple Purler

Deadly Knitshade — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 08:23:25 +0000

There’s a definite yarnstorm electricity in the air. Where in this tangled ball of yarn of a city is it coming from? Londom’s street smog is thick with it. It can only be a matter of time before it hits.

In the meantime we drag two more unsuspecting sneaky stitchers from the secret wool-lined bunker to confess.

Stepping out of the shadows are the knitblast-cursed rodent-wrangling Deadly Knitshade and the fang-fixated Purple Purler.

Deadly Knitshade

What is your theme tune?
A Four-Legged Friend by Roy Rogers

Which superhero’s powers would you most like and why?
It’d have to be Spiderman’s wallcrawling and webslinging for those hard to reach yarnstorm targets. Must remember that with great yarnstorming power would come great yarnstorming responsibility.

What is your biggest fear?
The Blue Whale in the Natural History Museum coming to life and appearing above me while I sleep. Watching me with his tiny evil eyes… Oh the ocean-based horror…

Your three stranded on a desert island yarnstorming essentials?
(Aside from yarn) my trusty 300-tool swiss army knife, a soldering iron, and buttons and beads for blinky ‘Don’t leave me’ eyes. So sad.

If you died during a yarnstorm what epitaph would you have on your gravestone?
“Purl, interrupted.”

The Purple Purler

What is your theme tune?
Under Pressure by Queen and David Bowie

Which superhero’s powers would you most like and why?
Invisibility: imagine all the conversations I could overhear, and all the scandal I could witness unseen. However, if I could be Dr Jean Gray from X-Men that would rock!!

What is your biggest fear?
Reserves of Rescue Remedy run dry on the day the vampire underworld was discovered and I was meant to meet Stephen Fry!

Your three stranded on a desert island three yarnstorming essentials?
Purple cable ties, Rescue Remedy, and pear cider

If you died during a yarnstorm what epitaph would you have on your gravestone?
“She tried! She failed! She got impaled!”

Yarn Corps Uncovered Part One: The Bluestocking Stitcher and Shorn-a the Dead

Deadly Knitshade — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 23:54:14 +0000

There’s a yarnstorm brewing. If you stick your head out of the window you can smell it in the London air. It’s reaching its woolly fingers out of the shadows and feelings its way towards its target. The countdown is on.

In the run up to the whirlwind of woolly wrongdoing we’re taking the opportunity to help you get to know the Knit the City Yarn Corps a little better.

First out of the secret wool-lined bunker are the sweary butterfly-surrounded Bluestocking Stitcher and the sheepdip-sniffing Shorn-a the Dead.

The Bluestocking Stitcher

What is your theme tune?
Nothing Can Stop Us Now – Saint Etienne
or
Thinking of You by The Colourfield

Which superhero’s powers would you most like and why?
Elastigirl – so handy for those awkward yarnstorming angles.

What is your biggest fear?
Beige

Your three stranded on a desert island yarnstorming essentials?
(Apart from yarn) Dymo tape,
a 4mm crochet hook, a swearing dictionary

If you died during a yarnstorm what epitaph would you have on your gravestone?
“If she’d had stretchy arms, this would never have happened.”

Shorn-a the Dead

What is your theme tune?
Rawhide

Which superhero’s powers would you most like and why?
Gail Trimble’s University
Challenge question-answering prowess.

What is your biggest fear?
Moths

Your three stranded on a desert island yarnstorming essentials?
Shuriken yarn-cutter, rubbish bag (I am Yarn Ends Girl) and anti-moth flamethrower

If you died during a yarnstorm what epitaph would you have on your gravestone?
“The moths did it.”

City Interventionists, apparently

Deadly Knitshade — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 21:00:22 +0000

London in the summer is full of festivals. Not just the kind of festivals that see you up to your knees in fast-food flecked mud, quietly dreading the next time you have to brave the horror that is the campsite toilets, and subject to the sudden unexplained urge to get luminous dreadlocks smeared into your greasy unwashed hair. There are much less smelly festivals too. And Knit the City were invited to take part in one.

Spotlight sneaky stitcher: a nervous Deadly Knitshade on the panel

The British Film Institute teamed up with onedotzero for the Adventures in Motion weekend. Much to our ‘Eh? You’re asking us to do what?’ surprise we were asked to take part in their City Interventions debate. Joining us were Jason Bruges (whose studio are doing art installations for the 2012 Olympics) and James Powderly (who was impressively sweary and once graffited on Mars, the planet not the chocolate bar).

Alongside these two was a very nervous Deadly Knitshade, who presented what turned out to be a bit of a Knit the City Graffiti Knitting Manifesto.

Get yourself a nice cup of tea and possibly a bit of battenburg, make yourself comfy, and Deadly Knitshade will begin…

Yarnstorm on Screen: Oranges and Lemons Odyssey – the movie

Deadly Knitshade — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 22:05:12 +0000

Once in a lifetime a film comes along that will touch your heart, make you laugh till tea comes out of your nose, make you cry till you get a dehydration headache, and make you wish that you could live you life again and do it alllllll so differently that world peace ensued and all famine was wiped out.

This is not that film.

But it is pretty freaking cool.

Alt Artist ladies, you did the Yarn Corps proud. Loving your work. Feel free to stalk us any time.

KTC x