(To tune of 2001: A Space Odyssey)
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Ladies and Gentlemen! Ewes and Rams! Roll up! Roll up! Today, for one day only, those wool slinging wonders of the Knit the City Yarn Corps will be driving a Handmade Herd across London Bridge before your very eyes!
We’ve got freakishly huge sheep! We’ve got horribly hungry sheep! We’ve got exotic spicy sheep from distant lands! We’ve got sheep that might not even be sheep at all! Roll up! Roll up! They have to be seen with your own eyeballs to be believed!
Take your seats, one and all, and listen up! By an ancient London law, way back from the 11th Century, the Freeman of London have the right to drive a herd of sheep across London Bridge. KTC may not be Freemen but we’re Free Knitters! Get ready to marvel at the mutton-flavoured majesty of THE GREATEST SHEEP ON EARTH!
Entering the ring with her sticks and string, put your paws together for Purling Paula!
Wonder at the wibbly world of Wobbly Walter!
Behold the tottering tininess of the miniscule Little Baa Blue!
Oooo and ahhh at the swathe of sheep from Knit the City’s guest yarnstomer, Ms Maddy Costa!
They eat! They chomp! They chew! The bottomless bellies that are Hungry Hairy Harriet and her blurry buddy Big Boned Baaarry!
See the scarlet splendour that is roguish Red Aran!
Be hypnotised by the handsome looks of Handmade Hector the Baaavellous!
Glory at the gait of the GARGANTUAN Glowing Gloria! (Gloria glows in the dark due to her magical fleece. Gasp!)
Peer at your peril at the badly behaved and be-hooved Black Sheep!
Ogle the sheer unsheared spectacle of outlandish Overgrown Oscar as he croons an Elvis tune under his chaotic coiffure!
Be entranced by the lambish loveliness of Sparkly Sheila!
Cry out in consternation at the covert cunning of Wilhelm, the wool-hungry wolf in sheep’s clothing!
Once more around the ring! The Handmade Herd flash their fantastic fleeces for the crowd!
Put those hands together to celebrate the woolly wonder. Cheer the outstanding ovines! Take a bow, you animals of amazement!
Let’s hear it for the baaavellous marvellous that is The Handmade Herd!
May no one ever snack on your shanks!
The Handmade Herd was yarnstormed on busy London Bridge on October 3 201o by Deadly Knitshade, The Fastener, Shorn-a the Dead and Guardian journalist Maggie Costa. The herd was yarnstormed in honour of Wool Week, an initiative to promote the woolly wonder of British wool.
The Fastener’s Woolly Wanderers
The Guardian’s The Graffiti Knitting Epidemic